How Do We Instill in Our Children Love for Obedience to Allah—Without Fear of Punishment?

Today’s generation lives in a boundless, open world: screens that never sleep, endless temptations, and ideas that slip in without permission. Amid all this noise, our children grow up searching for the meaning of faith, searching for God—but in what image do they come to know Him?
Do we plant in their hearts a love for Allah that leads them to obey willingly? Or fear that freezes them and drives them away from a relationship with their Lord?

Between Encouragement and Fear… The Balance of Faith-Based Parenting

Scholars have said that fear and hope for the believer are like the two wings of a bird—it cannot fly without both.
Yet in raising children, a common mistake is to educate them with only one wing: the wing of fear.

We intensify warnings (“Allah will be angry with you,” “Hell awaits those who disobey”),
and forget that in a child’s early years, they need to first know Allah as the Most Merciful, the Loving, the Near—before they can grasp the meaning of punishment.

Ibn Al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

“The most complete state is a balance between hope and fear, with love prevailing; for love is the mount, hope is the guide, fear is the driver, and Allah is the One who delivers by His grace and generosity.”

Meaning: love is the force that draws a person toward Allah, while fear and hope guide the path without letting it deviate.

Why Must We Plant Love First?

Modern education and psychological theories agree that a child’s first relationship with their Lord is shaped through the image of their parents.
If the child experiences love, tenderness, and mercy from them, that image is reflected in how they understand Allah.
But if they experience harshness and punishment, they begin to see Allah as a frightening authority rather than a source of comfort.

This helps us understand the wisdom behind the Prophet’s ﷺ guidance when he said:
“Give glad tidings and do not repel; make things easy and do not make them difficult.”

Good news opens the heart; fear closes it.
This does not mean eliminating fear altogether, but presenting it at the right time—as the early scholars said:
“Fear outweighs hope in times of heedlessness, and hope outweighs fear at times of repentance and turning back.”

Challenges Facing the New Generation

Recent global studies indicate that atheism or religious indifference among youth is on the rise, especially in Western societies—not because they are not searching for God, but because the image of religion they received was filled with fear and guilt.
Today’s generation does not fear Hell as much as it fears not being loved.
Therefore, the path to their hearts is not intimidation, but love, meaning, and living example.

Five Steps to Plant Love for Allah in Your Child’s Heart

1. Start with example before commands
   Let your child see you praying with love and humility, and speaking of blessings before punishment. Faith-based parenting is seen in actions before it is spoken in words.
2. Connect religion to daily life
   Make honesty, excellence, forgiveness, and mercy part of your everyday conversations. When a child sees faith reflected in the details of daily life, they will love religion because they live it.
3. Speak about Allah’s merciful attributes before punishment
   Instead of “Allah will be angry with you,” say “Allah loves those who are truthful,” “Allah rejoices in your repentance.” In this way, Allah is always seen as loving and close.
4. Listen to their questions without judgment
   Questions about religion are not a danger—they are a sign of curiosity and searching.
   Listen, discuss, and be a safe embrace where your child finds answers, not judgments.
5. Plant identity before rules
   Before teaching your child how to pray, teach them that they are a beloved Muslim, chosen by their Lord, carrying a message—and that obeying Allah is an honor, not a burden.

A Final Word to Parents in the West

We cannot shield our children from every influence,
but we can give them a firm root of faith that no wind can uproot.
Every righteous example, every word of love, every sincere moment of dialogue is a seed planted in the soil of their hearts—
one that will one day bear a strong relationship with Allah, unbroken and unwavering.

Faith-based parenting is not rigid indoctrination; it is a living relationship between the heart and its Lord—
nurtured with love, fed with understanding, and watered by example.

If this article touched your heart, share it with a parent facing the same challenge.
Perhaps one word can restore the warmth of faith to a home once again ❤️